Tired

Adulting is hard. Adulting becomes exponentially more hard when you have little ones to raise and care for.  Occasionally there are days, like last Monday when I'm just plain tired. When I just want to curl up on the couch and binge watch my cooking shows all day and log about 20 steps on my Fit bit. When adulting and parenting seem to take more energy than I have. On these days it's hard for me to have the energy to engage with Calvin at his energy level and to find creative and fun ways to entertain him around the household. It's equally just as hard to muster up the energy to get us both ready and to leave the house and take him somewhere.

When I'm drained like this I feel guilty and ashamed. I work full time and my time with my son is limited and precious. I should want and have the energy on our precious days off together to be there for him fully. I should want to take him on cool adventures or be a superstar mom and come up with the next best Pinterest activity for a toddler. Instead I dump a bin of toys on the floor or pull out books or lie there and talk to him as he crawls all over me. I feel guilty for counting down the time until he naps so I can maybe take a nap and recharge for the second half of the day. During nap time I feel like I should catch up on chores or work out or spend more time with the dogs but I just can't. All I can do is sit and zone out in front of the TV or nap. Sometimes that's enough to get me going for Round 2  after nap time and sometimes I'm still tired and am looking forward to Wally coming home and helping me finish his bedtime routine.

When Wally gets home and we put Calvin to bed and talk about our day I confess my feelings and my guilt. He is always so supportive of me and encouraging. He asks to see pictures of our day together and I show him and I get to see the pictures from a different view. These moments remind me that I don't have to always take him on cool adventures or plan fun crafts. Sometimes just hanging around the house and being there together is enough. He is, after all, a toddler and is fascinated with the world. If playing peek-a-boo and turning on and off lights and climbing up and down stairs makes him happy and allows me to take it easy then it is a win win. Looking thru my photos at the end of the day shows me the day thru his eyes. I get to see that toddler gleam when he learns something new (like how to say no....yay...) or that sparkle when he finds something funny (playing hide and seek) or that mischievous glint when he tries to do something he knows he shouldn't (throw non trash items away in the trash). These days are valuable for watching him grow and for developing independent play and for connecting with him one on one. 

When you are having a day when you feel tired and unmotivated to do a whole lot with your kiddo  I would encourage you to take photos of your child thru out the day and look at them later. Look at all the things your child got to do and all the ways he or she laughed, discovered and grew from that tired day.

I would also like to remind all you moms out there that we are not Energizer bunnies that just keep going and going and going without ever needing to recharge. We are superhuman but we are human. We get tired and we have days when we aren't super motivated. We are allowed to feel that way. We work very hard and our job, while super rewarding, is never ending. Please allow yourself to be tired without guilt. Listen to what your body and mind are telling you they need and respect these needs. Give yourself a little nap (if possible) or go to bed early or treat yourself to a night with the girls. And when you make it thru that tired day treat yourself with a dessert or a bath or a drink and be proud of yourself for making it thru the day like the super mom that you are.  Know that you did your best and you survived and your child survived and tomorrow will be a better day. As long as you are giving it your best that is all that anyone, including yourself, can expect of you. Keep plugging away you supermoms but don't forget to recharge your batteries every once in a while!